. . . I lost my temper today . . . and worse than any other time I'd lose it. . . . I screamed . . . more like roared . . . at my own girlfriend. . . . I disrespected her . . . insulted her. I roared at my sister and even at my own mother. I slapped my sister, therefore scaring my girlfriend. . . . But, even in my rage, I felt the pang of regret. . . . I felt like something took over me . . . something that wasn't human. . . . It scared me, but my rage overpowered by fear. I was conscious of my actions while trying to hold back on my violent impulses . . . but no avail. I hurt three people closest to me and scared myself into questioning my own identity. . . . Am I even human? Am I some sort of mindless beast in an infinite rage against the world? Or is there something supernatural at work? Am I posessed by some sort of demon? I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think this is beyond human control. Sounds crazy, but there's than emotion at work here. No neurologist, psychologist, nor can any psychiatrist can help me right now. Since I'm conscious of my actions but can't control them, I have to help myself . . . but I'll need support and the occasional help from one who knows how to keep me in check . . . and that's my girlfriend. Although I scared her, showing the worst possible side to my character, she forgave me and apologized. Even though she was the cause of my rage, I asked forgiveness as well since I never should've let her see that side of me, nor should I have been so pushy. After showing a cold, empty side, telling me that our relationship wouldn't last and that she wouldn't be able to love me forever, I was scared. I show fear through anger, unfortunately, and the anger built up throughout the day into rage. . . . I didn't wanna let it out, but I snapped when she continued to treat me like I was nothing to her while my mother kept bitching on how I should handle things and my sister opening her mouth and giving uncalled for commentary that only fueled the growing inferno. After blistering my feet by walking 10 blocks to my girlfriend's house in flip flops, I found my girlfriend and spoke to her. Turns out she was dealing with a lot on her mind and the deep thinknig got to her, causing her to instigate and behave wrongly towards me. I forgave and asked her to talk to me next time, but it still doesn't remove the questioning of my identity that now rattled my mind. It will take time, but I will find my answers and fix my problem.